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THE DIARY OF A MISTRESS
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lidya Lim's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, September 18th, 2008
12:54 am
Writer's Block: Everything That's Fit to Print
There are somethings that aren't really "fit to print" but Having things go throught the process of researching, finding sources and completing things on a deadline are what makes reading the newspaper so interesing. The problem with online news sources is that it doesn't seem as monitored as print would be. The internet is more vounerable to just opinions and people's blogs. Being a part of a journalism class and knowing how rewarding it is to have something actually printed is way better than just bitching about things on blogs. I love printed news. I hope it never gets drowned out by the internet style news.
The New York Times was first published on this day in 1851. How important is print news to you? Does the internet render circulation obsolete, or will print never die?
12:18 am
A breif update
It's september meaning it was my birthday on the 12th... What did i do/ get??? A big wad of nothing. I was alone most of the day and my parents took my sisters and I to dinner at the olive garden. It was good the crew sang happy birthday to me... we come home and that was it.. no presents NO CARD!!! so my cousin Denise and Brianna came over with a cake for me.. brianna wanted to sing me happy birthday so she did... cut my cake ate some and then i Headed to jeannette's apt. Adriana and Hooterific had a dinner ready for me :) salmon with some rice and veggies.. i think it's still in their fridge. She got me the movie baby mama some flowers and a very freaking delicious birthday cake. She made me feel very special hahah all lesbian. For her b-day i got her an ice cream cake that melted :( twister, pocahontas and a best friend necklace. I have to say she's the only true friend i have right now. We've had ups and downs yet we stick to each other like shit and its smell.. I just wished Adrian a happy b-day on his day cuz i knew they'd be "busy" if you know what i mean. hahahaha. Anyways.. I was holding two jobs for the past month... working at denny's in calexico and at No fear at the mall. One didn't work out. No fear was giving me alot of shit about not meeting the goals... how the fuck am i suppose to make 500 bucks in 5 hours?? people dont really like to shop they just look around and waste our time. I'm not gonna go up to a customer and attack them as they are entering the store I like for them to come in get a feel for the store and then i approach them and ask them if they need any help or tell them about the stuff on sale. ugh.. what ever... denny's is giving me alot more hours anyways. My family as of right now dont know i will not be working at no fear. but besided the working bullshit.. I've dyed my hair blond.. well i see it yellowie orange and i'm on step 2 of getting it platinum so i'm excited.
Today I was really sad cuz one of my co-workers to be specific the cook Enrique... was mean to me :( I thought we where really hitting it off we started the playful fighting flirting thing. he even asked me about me texting mexican cell phones. I know he likes me and I KINDA like him back but i wouldn't want anything serious coming from it cuz of the language barrier.. he doesnt' understand english and i dont care to speak spanish to him. anyways he called in for his schedule and he was saying how i was annoying i knew he was playing cuz i call him the #1 hater. anyways he was telling me how i need to "stop bothering him", and I said.. you like it and he said no... whatever he said some pretty mean things... he just hurt my feelings. well i'm getting distracted by the show on the TV so i'm gonna wrap this up ... I want look different.. I don't want to resemble what i have looked like for the past couple of years... i think it's time to save up for some implants...

Oh yeah and now i'm thinking of adopting 3 kids * movies that inspired me to choose these kids
1 boy from africa.. from the sudan (invisible children)
1 girl from China.. they aren't appreciated much and they are adorable
1 girl from the red light district in India... (born in to brothels)

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
3:11 am
you tell me who is the one doing the attacking.
liz's luis says:
whats up dude
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
nm
liz's luis says:
you havent talked to liz at all today huh
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
nope i think she is not interested in us anymore
liz's luis says:
dont say that...
liz's luis says:
she is too..
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
why shouldn't i
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
if she did she's make an effort to say what's up atleast but she doesn't
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
she's missed out on so many things
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and we try to get her involved but she's just not interested or too busy
liz's luis says:
yeah... i mean. i guess i would feel the same
liz's luis says:
but
liz's luis says:
its not that she doesnt care about you guys...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
it's fine and it's her life but i just wish she'd say what's up once in a while i miss her
liz's luis says:
all she does is talk about you guys...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
talks about but not talks to
liz's luis says:
we were in sd today
liz's luis says:
some things happened to us..
liz's luis says:
care to read a blog about what happend?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
mm maybe later
liz's luis says:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=6479183&blogID=380682146
liz's luis says:
well here.. check it out... whenever you can...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not much for reading right now...
liz's luis says:
ok
liz's luis says:
just please dont say she doesnt care...
liz's luis says:
its not even like that
liz's luis says:
im not even gonna tell her you said that cause she gonna be down about it...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
well that's the way it comes off she doesn't know all the stuff we've been through the last couple of weeks
liz's luis says:
well she has been through a lot lately too
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i dont care i dont need you to cover for me cuz i didnt say anythign wrong
liz's luis says:
you didnt say anything wrong
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
yeah i wouldn't know anything about her anymore...
liz's luis says:
im just telling you that liz cares about you ...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i know i didnt' but you are making it seem that way
liz's luis says:
just cause she is really busy doesnt mean she doesnt care
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
if she did she's try to check up on us atleast through an e-mail.....
liz's luis says:
well thats true...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i just wanna know she's still alive and kicking...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
but there are times when i dont know what the hell she's up to i have to go stalk her to get some time with her to say anything
liz's luis says:
alright...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
she was the last one to know i was in calexico and had a job here and most likely if things keep going this way she's gonna be the last one to know i've moved away again...
liz's luis says:
WHAT?!?!
liz's luis says:
you moved away again?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
exactly... you and liz would never know
liz's luis says:
....
liz's luis says:
well maybe it has a lot to do with that fact that me and liz have been through rough times and were sticking together very closely and taking our relationship very seriouse...
liz's luis says:
at least its how we feel ...
liz's luis says:
you feel me ?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not talking about your relationship
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm talking about her involvement with the other people who love her
liz's luis says:
yeah but im saying.. her being with me has caused her to be distant with you guys ...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and that's her choice
liz's luis says:
well...
liz's luis says:
i see your point of view i really do ...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
do you?>
liz's luis says:
but shes not a bad person for making those decisions
liz's luis says:
its like if my friends told me "ohh you dont hang out with us anymore .. you dont care.. you dont call " in wich i have gotten .. i easily shut them up by saying.. "shut the fuck up .. dont act like you dont have a cell phone .. why dont you call me ???... and if you were that good a friend you would understand why ive been soo distant.. it dont mean i dont give a fuck about you guys..
liz's luis says:
and thats that for me
liz's luis says:
but with liz.. it might be different
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
dont' put words in my mouth .... ... we call her we leave her messages
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
phone and myspace
liz's luis says:
yeah?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
but nothing comes out of her
liz's luis says:
really?
liz's luis says:
i was not aware of that
liz's luis says:
really.. i wasnt
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
we all love liz and we try minelly and i went to your house just to get some time with her
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and we still didn't get that
liz's luis says:
i honestly thought that on when she wasnt with me.. she would spend time at least sending you guys messages on your myspace and stuff...
liz's luis says:
at least...
liz's luis says:
but if your saying shes not.. i am going to tell her something about that
liz's luis says:
cause thats the impression i had...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
no it's not up to you to tell her anything
liz's luis says:
well..
liz's luis says:
anywayz...
liz's luis says:
i dont know what to say honestly
liz's luis says:
...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and i dont' expect you to
liz's luis says:
i feel guilty for her being like that with you guys.. cause i know she really pays a lot of attention to me
liz's luis says:
i just dont like how other friends of hers have even told her that she doesnt care anymore and all this stuff...
liz's luis says:
i mean.. you havent but others have
liz's luis says:
and i dont like it one bit.. i find it insulting...
liz's luis says:
and childish
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
dont pussy foot around it you know you want to give me names
liz's luis says:
then you dont know me that well
liz's luis says:
im just honestly shocked you are tellin gme this
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
it seems like it cuz you know that i am in the group of friends
liz's luis says:
nope
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you know that i know who you are talking about
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
shocked from what?
liz's luis says:
just to correct what your thinking.. im shocked YOUR telling me this
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you dont know me at all...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and i'm not saying shit to you
liz's luis says:
cause liz always tells me that out of all the friends that she hangs out with she believes your the most understanding of them
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm talking about my dissapointments with trying to talk to liz and your twisting it around
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i am
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
that's correct
liz's luis says:
and i believe that too
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
but you dont know me how can your trust someone you dont know
liz's luis says:
and in this conversation your starting to become defensive
liz's luis says:
and your right.. i dont know you.. i trust what my gf says about you
liz's luis says:
thats all
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not getting defensive
liz's luis says:
ok
liz's luis says:
good..
liz's luis says:
cause thats what i felt right now
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you're assuming alot of things and that's ticking me off
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you aren't understanding what i'm saying
liz's luis says:
no one is making assumptions here
liz's luis says:
yes i am.. your disapointed in liz.. cause she has let you down.. you want her to respond or at least call you back and she doesnt..
liz's luis says:
and in my part.. your right...
liz's luis says:
she should check up on you guys..
liz's luis says:
but at the same time.. shit... what the fuck? i didnt even know she wasnt talking to you that much anymore
liz's luis says:
i honestly thought you guys still were.. im not fuckn chismosos
liz's luis says:
i just figured
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
not that much?? that's an understatement yesterday was the last time i talked to her since your "kick back"
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and it was on messenger not the phone
liz's luis says:
YOU SEE
liz's luis says:
thats what im fuckn trying to tell you now...
liz's luis says:
i didnt know that
liz's luis says:
i Apologize
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
but i have a feeling you did
liz's luis says:
NO
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and you dont need to apologize for liz's neglet
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
neglect*
liz's luis says:
i new she didnt hang out with you guys as much ... but at the same time i didnt knwo she wouldnt return your calls or anything...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
she ignores our calls
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
we leave messages and she never gets back
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i dont want her to loose out friendship... things happen so fast and no one is gonna wanna play catch up while the ball is still rolling
liz's luis says:
well .. i agree with you to a certain point
liz's luis says:
her not calling you back doesnt automaticly ruin who she is and all she has done for everyone...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not saying she's ruined but she's missing alot from just not calling back during her break or something
liz's luis says:
i dont like it when people are saying things like this to liz... i understand what your saying... but i know those are things that if she knew you guys were saying it would preasure her and make her cry...
liz's luis says:
i know...
liz's luis says:
i have seen it happen
liz's luis says:
i personaly dont like it
liz's luis says:
when my friends tell me shit... i can handle it and make them back off
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
we dont say anythign to her
liz's luis says:
but liz cant
liz's luis says:
she cares too much .. and she would cry
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
it's up to her if she wants to get involved all we can do is send the invitation
liz's luis says:
if she knew you felt like that towards her
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
liz is a big girl she can handle herself she knows how to handle things but it another entity is making her weak then she has to grow some balls and go back to how she was
liz's luis says:
well.. i dont agree..
liz's luis says:
i dont agree at all
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i've known liz to be a strong girl and crying doesn't sound like something she'd do for us trying to get her attention
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
then dont
liz's luis says:
SHE DOESNT CRY
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm just telling you how i feel
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you just said
liz's luis says:
and she cries for you guys
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
....
liz's luis says:
its you guys who dont see that...
liz's luis says:
like i said... your right about what you say.. but jesus christ.. dont fuckn come down on her like she is the most unreliable person in the godamb world
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not saying that
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
so dont put that in my mouth
liz's luis says:
and i feel the way you tell me these things lidya.. i feel that you have been really mean about it the way you say it to me
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
never once in this conversation did i say she was unreliable
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
take is as you may but i mean no harm
liz's luis says:
nope i think she is not interested in us anymore
... you said this earlier
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you asked me about it and i gave you an honest answer
liz's luis says:
thats a hurtful comment
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
how is that unreliable
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
??
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
doesn't mean the same thing
liz's luis says:
NO INTEREST AND UNRELIABLE
liz's luis says:
its practicly the same thing
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
no it's not
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you dont show intrest to a dog taking a shit.....
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
look up the meanings
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i may be airheaded but i'm not stupid
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i know my vocabulary
liz's luis says:
no one called you airheaded
liz's luis says:
and im not ignorant
liz's luis says:
i dont appreaciate the messed up analogy you placed right there
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i am saying i'm like that
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
cuz i know i am
liz's luis says:
ok....
liz's luis says:
thats your deal...
liz's luis says:
what im saying is ...
liz's luis says:
maybe im taking this all wrong
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
yes it is.... i may come off like i dont know my shit but i do
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i think you are
liz's luis says:
ok ok ok
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and in return you are taking my words in anger
liz's luis says:
yes lidya
liz's luis says:
you are correct
liz's luis says:
i am
liz's luis says:
i feel your pissed at liz
liz's luis says:
i feel that the way you are speaking to me about this.. i could be taking this all wrong
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm not pissed off at liz
liz's luis says:
for all i know.. on the other side of this conversation you are having a calm conversation with me.. and im over here taking this as in LIZ FUCKED UP BY LEAVING US!!!!
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm dissapointed in the situation
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
if you knew me you'd know what tone i have
liz's luis says:
EXACTLY
liz's luis says:
look
liz's luis says:
ok
liz's luis says:
tell me this...
liz's luis says:
can i put an example for you ?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
maybe
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
as long as it doens't offend me
liz's luis says:
some of my friends are too busy for me.. the ones that i grew up with since we were kids.. and of course i call and i leave them messages for days and they dont respond... but i dont get angry .. cause i understand that they have a life to live.. you know.. they are my really good friends.. cause i know eventually they will get back to me and when the situation is turned around... they understand
liz's luis says:
me if i dont get back to them for weeks at a time
liz's luis says:
now on this end of the story...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you're a guy
liz's luis says:
why are you that disapointed that she hasnt called you back?
liz's luis says:
is that really it?
liz's luis says:
cause actually i was going to say that.. is that a gender thing?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
what kind of importaint shit do you guys tell each other ( that's not a question for you to answer) when it comes to females we need the connection with our long time friends the ones who have been there to help and support
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
females are more sensitive than the male
liz's luis says:
is that soo?
liz's luis says:
i mean. .im sensative as fuck
liz's luis says:
if you didnt know
liz's luis says:
and so are my really close friends
liz's luis says:
and we talk about everything
liz's luis says:
yeah i guess you can say
liz's luis says:
we talk like girls
liz's luis says:
about all our problems
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
..... but with everything that has happened in such a short amount of time i'd want her to know what's up
liz's luis says:
ok
liz's luis says:
what im saying is ...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
we talk about life changing fucking issues...
liz's luis says:
right
liz's luis says:
but don tsay its not something i talk about with my friends.. like moving.. and fucked up things that happen in our lives with our bf and gf
liz's luis says:
you placed a stereotype
liz's luis says:
on me at least
liz's luis says:
im fuckn sensative to the core
liz's luis says:
and soo is my best friend
liz's luis says:
we need each other soo fuckn much
liz's luis says:
yet were fuckn seperated by what we do
liz's luis says:
and we dont get mad at each other for it
liz's luis says:
but hold on
liz's luis says:
the reason i understand you is because
liz's luis says:
yeah.. sometimes im like
liz's luis says:
what the fuck
liz's luis says:
how come this motherfucker hasnt called me ... i need to tell him whats been going on....
liz's luis says:
but it cools off...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
ok has your friend been at a near death experience??? has your friend ever had extreme issues with family that could drive her to get away from everyone and make a big mistake?
liz's luis says:
OMG
liz's luis says:
lidya
liz's luis says:
dont talk to me about bad experiences
liz's luis says:
my friend got shot in front of us
liz's luis says:
OF US
liz's luis says:
sorry that wasnt supposed to happen
liz's luis says:
in mex..
liz's luis says:
ive seen my dad beat my mom
liz's luis says:
and worste things than that
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
so have i
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i've put my dad in jail
liz's luis says:
right...so you understand horrible things.. in life...
liz's luis says:
holdling your own friends with a fuckn bullet through his godamb head
liz's luis says:
yeah
liz's luis says:
please
liz's luis says:
not to mention those fuckn long term relationships that scar you
liz's luis says:
i know whats up lidya
liz's luis says:
you have your issues.. ihave mine
liz's luis says:
im not here to say who has had it worste
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
yes i do...that's why i think you should appreciate everyone in your life and love them and talk to them cuz if something bad happens to you or them ... you're gonna hate everything that you never told them
liz's luis says:
exactly.. i understand you
liz's luis says:
what im saying is .. you are different from me
liz's luis says:
i dont get mad at my friends for not coming to me or me going to them.. they are like my brothers...
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
yes i am...
liz's luis says:
and they will fill me in and i will fill them in
liz's luis says:
sooner or later
liz's luis says:
you feel me?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
you fill them in about what>?
liz's luis says:
things that we need to talk about...
liz's luis says:
like i said.. i just wished that you wouldnt have felt that way about liz..
liz's luis says:
thats my ENTIRE opinion
liz's luis says:
i mean you being disapointed in her and all
liz's luis says:
cause like i said.. you and i are differnt
liz's luis says:
and we both would handle this situation different
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
yeah i'm not comparing
liz's luis says:
i wouldnt be disapointed in my friends
liz's luis says:
you feel me?
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
i'm dissapointed because we try so hard to get her to answer her phone and fill her in and she doesnt' bother to answer..... it's been a while since we can tell her alot of things
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
no i dont feel you cuz we are diffrent
liz's luis says:
well thats that
liz's luis says:
i wasnt here to convince to do things my way.. i was just telling you how i handled them
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
and thanks for not wasting your time in trying to...
liz's luis says:
(Y)
liz's luis says:
got to go
liz's luis says:
talk to you later
liz's luis says:
take care
Lidya---- I'm smart 60% of the time all the time. says:
bye
liz's luis says:
and hope your not offended by anything
liz's luis says:
peace out

Current Mood: annoyed
Monday, April 14th, 2008
1:39 pm
Everyone has their soulmate out there.
I've been thinking of how everyone has their soul mate out there. Someone out there is waiting to be with you which makes life seem really interesting. I was looking through my myspace friends and most of them seem truly happy with the person they are with. It is probably just an image they are trying to portray but I can't help to think are they really happy? I sometimes envy what they have but at the same time I don't have anyone to respond to. If i ever wanted to pack up and leave I'd have the freedom to do it and not be hurt because of leaving someone behind. I believe that if you are meant to be with someone, they will be willing to drop everything to runaway with you and start a new life. Relationships are so demanding. I wouldn't be able to handle such a thing at this point in my life. Sure the whole lovey-duby thing is amazing and there is nothing like a love high but there are also the downfalls. I'm no one to take any bullshit so when I meet someone I'd like for them to be in the same path of life that I'm in. I feel that all the relationships before you've really come to say you've matured is practice. You have to learn from past mistakes, heartbreak and even the good times. Once you know what you can do to make it work then you can really find someone who will be good for you. I've been talking with my friends a lot about people whom we use to attend high school with. many of them never caught my attention but now I look back and it really makes me think of what they are doing in life now. Sure they are attractive but now I see they are really nice guys, I use to see them as cocky jerks. Judging people will never get you anywhere.
Then again, you don’t want to get stuck in a relationship that you think will work but you become so blind that you can't see how much it's affecting you. I don’t mean to bad mouth anyone but when you are constantly crying and you've lost your friends because of a lover then what does that say about the relationship? With one of my past lovers that's exactly what I went through. Giving up everything so early in the relationship really took a toll later on. Everyone becomes so use to just bring with that one person 24 freaking 7 and it's not healthy for a relationship. You don’t want to become too attached so early because when you lose the bond you've had built with friends and relatives it creates animosity. The best thing you can do is make time for everyone. I've told this to my youngest sister and things have been really working better for her. The only way to make a relationship work with family and friends is to get them all together. Once they all know each other maybe the other parties will become more supportive and come to love the person as much as you do. If you want them to all get along and like each other don’t always talk to them about how bad your lover is. If you are going to share events you have to share the good and the bad. When you just share the bad everyone will hate him because that's all they know. I learned that the hard way. no one ever liked my former lover because of all the crap I talked. Now that we are no longer together even though I’d like to move past it, I can't because I’m constantly explaining that he was a good person but it was just not meant to be. when you have filled someones head with how bad one person is and now are trying to convince them that it wasn’t all that bad ... that's when it becomes a mission.
A lot of people can give advice and not be able to take their own when it comes to their problems. I call it talking the talk but not walking the walk... ahaha I got a lot of laughs on a ride back home with some friends. I can give all the advice I want because I can back it up with my actions. I've gone through a lot not everything but enough to tell someone when they are making a mistake. I've built a bond with one of my friends that before I didn't seem to have anything in common with. She has had the same problem I went through with my ex. the best way to help her through her hard times is to advise her on all I could to help her move on and be happy.
anyways... the battery on the lap top is getting low so my last words of advice is.. OPEN YOUR FREAKING EYES ... don’t let the people you love fall through your hands because you have a temporary lover on a pedestal.
I love you all well... some of you :) cuz I don’t know everyone as much as I do others.

Current Mood: good
1:37 pm
Writer's Block: Dream Job
What's keeping you from your dream job?
School is what is keeping me from acheiving it. I can't have it until i commit to school and studying.
Friday, April 11th, 2008
3:22 am
wow i really need to update this.. it's been... 72 weeks... i dunno exactly how long that is.. you do the math
Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
1:32 am
Myspace is so over!!!!!
I'm so fucking sick that i can't communicate with anyone of fucking myspace. that's the only way i like to talk to peopel... wich is messaging... writting.. I express myself better like that, I have more time to think about shit. I can't tell you how much i fucking hate having the phone on my ear. if i had a phone with speaker i wouldnt' mind so much but I HATE THE HOT EAR syndrome. The phone is great when you are talking to someone about something interesting and both parties are talking but if you are just fucking quiet it's a waste of time i'd rather talk on messenger than be on the phone. E-mail is better than the phone cuz with e-mail you wait all day to hear from that person and you reply.. there is more time to think about what to reply and with the phone you say it and then that's it. I like little love notes and shit... with the phone it's akward.

ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!
I'm working at spencer's now and it's pretty cool i'm working on saturday 8 am til 1pm for those who wanna stop by and say hi to me :) ok well i'm pissed off now so I hope you all have a great rest of the day once you are done reading my journal.... now to write in my real journal about shit that i can't talk about here ;)
LATER UGLYS


p.s. i bought some NV i'll let you know if it's worth the $20 for 15 days.

Current Mood: cranky
Friday, November 17th, 2006
2:05 am
here it goes
So i found out what i felt coming and i don't know how to react about it. i don't feel anything right now. i'll clarify that later
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
1:00 am
"beer bong for the lady"
So i had an interveiw at spencers again... but this time they actually talked to me, they didnt' aks me to leave. man that annoyed the fuck out of me. well i know i'm not gonna get the job... my interveiw was great. i kicked ass but i know deep inside that i'm not gonna get it. even though i love that place i can't see myself working there. Things where ok but i feel them coming down really soon. Something big well medium is gonna happen where i'm gonna back to the bottom. i sence something.

Current Mood: horny
Saturday, November 11th, 2006
11:10 pm
FUCK
I can't beleive it's really over. I'm really really crushed about it. I can even see life take out from my eyes. I really did care about that asshole. He "once" did but the rest he wasted my time. I wonder if i'll ever get over him.

Current Mood: crushed
1:57 am
OMFG
It's been forever well santa cruz is over and done with and me and marc have some what seperated he gave me the boot so i'm living back in calexico... i'm so depressed again. marc has been a big problem recently and i think it's time to stop this bullshit. this is enough and i need to move on to someone who loves me.

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, August 26th, 2005
1:22 am
i hate you
OMG i hate my life. why doesn't he involve me in what he's doing? what an as... man i have a job now and it's ok .... i'm starting school.... i'm so excited yet pissed cuz that asshole wont take me the first couples of days so i can find my own way. he swears i know my own way around. mother fucker. can he see that i'm new to this place... im' not in the same situation he was on. he was the one to pick where he was gonna go to school that was his fault that he came to a strange place. but i have him and he should help me what a jerk. well i finally wrote on a paper journal.hehehe meaybe he wont bitch how i'm posting my life on the internet.

Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, August 4th, 2005
11:22 pm
At times i feel that i don't matter to him. All his attention is on the dogs... man i cant beleive i am below a dog.... that fucking sucks. The one who greets me with a kiss in the morning is my dear olive, My boyfriend who "loves me" is on the computer looking up stupid shit who the hell knows what it is .... i would understand if he was looking for places to live but he isn't. this morning i was trying to say something to him and he completely ignored me i was right next to him and nothing so i ignored him through out the day. that's what he gets ... instead of spending time with me when he isn't doing his work he's online doing something .... i'm only online when he's doing hiw HWK so i wont be there bothering him. Man i feel like i made a mistake some times. why did i more here? it seems like there is no point. I'm forever to be a lonley soul. i may have some one next to me but they aren't really there. that is only physical company.
well i had a dream that i was engaged. to that thing ofcourse but i was dominated by him.... he knows i hate weed and in my dream he was smoking right infront of me and he was doing all kinds of shit that i didnt' like, and he said to me "what the hell do you want" not only was he doing things i hated but he was also cheating on me. I guess i don't trust marc for anything i dont' like myself i dont' think of myself as a beautiful person i'm just a face with make up no one knows what i really look like and if they do they will not like me anymore.
I told him i didnt' wanna marry him i think he thought i was just saying things cuz i was mad. but i mean it... i thought i did want to marry him i though he was the one i wanted forever but i dont' i don't liket he way he is sometimes... well most of the time... when ever he does pay attention to me i love him. I'm glad i got to know the real him B4 i walked the plank in to a life full of sorrow. i feel so depressed i with i could just kill myself ... but that wouldn't be fair to my familly and friends. I have to succeed to help my fam get out of calexico and have a better life i know there is something outthere for them i want to help them get closer to it. I can't wait to start school to get away from everything ... i'll make some friends hang out with themm.... have new shoulder to cry on... (minelly you are #1) mikay is #1 too . I wish i could call Mikay right now.... damm why did she have to move so far away with dominic.... the knot in my throat is getting bigger i can't stop crying when i think of mikay and dominic gone. they where the people who would listen to me even though one of them was only a baby he was always there for me... he would make me laugh when ineeded some one he would give me a little kiss or a hug. i get so much affenction from him than marc.
Marc doesn't know what he wants. he calls himself a good boyfriend but he's not... he's not the worst.... i think i've had some pretty bad BFs in the past.... i though changing would be better but it's not all guys are the same... i guess no matter what i pick ... they will all be the same... to tell you the truth i didnt' like marc when i first met him.... i kinda got stuck with him... but then i started to like him then i fell in love... then i fell in to depression
There are so many things to say but not enought words to describe how i'm feeling ... i know he's gonna read this and then we are gonna start fighting.... i know he likes to fight or else he'd be trying to make it better not adding fuel to the fire.

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
2:45 pm
SANTA CRUZ
hola everyone well i'm up here in santa cruz living my with my turkey sandwich and toots everything is cool up here we live out in the fucking forest al the way up ben lomond i'm trying to get a job at the brookdale lodge i saw the place in the travel channel once it was one of the most haunted hotels it would be so cool to work there i would be in the front desk so i'll be shitting my pants all the time ahahah well yeah i have my tias living around me so we can go visit. lets see....

i went to frisco to a baseballl game but we didnt make it in time so we went to a wax museum damm that was dissapointing i should have gone to the ripleysmuseum it would have been cooler...after that we went to tia janinas' and ate soem tacos...we will defenatelly be visitngher more often. tia milay lives kinda far so we'll visit once in a while.....our house is so cool it's a little cottage with 2 rooms it's a fixer uper but we get free rent ... i have to get a job here :s sux cuz i'm the one who is gonna be brining in all the moeny we are gonna have and it's alot of pressure :( i wanted to work at petsmart but thats just like mervyns i need soemthing diffrent something more umm i dunno cozy something small with out a ridiculous dress code.

there was this cool place marc took me it was called chao bella it was the coolest place it was fancy looking but!! the place was decorated with weird crap like black lights old dolls lava lamps old magazine clippings i wanted to work there but they are not hiring :( anyways i'll keep this thing up to date from now on ..i'll have my internet up and running next week so yeah

<3 Lidya

Current Mood: constipated
Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
5:15 pm
WALLI
WALLI
Current mood: amused


last night at the board walk marc recognized someone and it turned out to be Wali Razaqi he was in the movie september tapes. so we folloowed him out of te arcade and went to his car and then went back to the arcade so yeah i saw him they we where walking towards the rides and suddenly he was in back of us an di turned around and asked "where you the guy in september tapes" and he was kinda busy on the phone SPEAKING ARABIC!! and he's like "umm yeah" and then he ran away from me ... i wanted to tak a pic with him. he's my first "celebrity" encounter in santa cruz.

this is the poster for the movie

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walli is obviously the one with the santa cruz shirt... (they where in afghanistan in this shot. the whole movie was shot over there)

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Current Mood: mellow
Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
2:32 am
My house from the insede
my house from the inside


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that is my little cozy living room

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my little kitchen

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dining area

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our bedroom



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and that's me in the bathroom

Current Mood: calm
Monday, June 20th, 2005
12:06 pm
DAMMIT
i've been feeling really sad lately marc has just been trying to be him own little person heheh. he told me he was gonna go to this show....alone. i was like OK ...what about me? then he said his cousin george wanted to come and i hate him i don't want him in my house i hate that mofo he just wants to smoke weed drink and party like it was 1999. i really don't like that guy....

i can't seem to trust marc.... i am very insecure i don't feel pretty i dont' have the body i want ....i know he's gonna leave me for some skinny blonde white chick ......he's in to the white ones ...blah ....i can't help but to obsess over every girl he talks to i can't take it ,,,,,it drives me crazy if i didnt' really care about him i woudn't mind but i do and it sucks every day i grow more insecure..... he says i'm the only one and i guess it's true he's stuck with me for a while we live together he has to come home to me every night....but what if he gets bored and starts going out all the time..... this is a place where you have to be 21 and if you already are....this is the place to screw around santa cruz is the land of intoxicated college people and who doesn't want that ....(not me) there are so many girls flaunting their little shits like there was no tommorrow and how am i to stop him from looking?? or from trying to go out to a place i cna't go and look a little bit closer .... oh well my story will continue later on ......

Current Mood: envious
Friday, May 20th, 2005
11:01 pm
ALONE
instead of feeling in love i feel alone he always wants to be alone things will not change when we leave i'm gonna be miserable i'm gonna end up killing myself (not literally) i need a guy who shows me that he loves me and cares about me. i need some one like me. he doesn' give a crap about anything but himself. ....himself...that's all that he will have in the future. not his dog not his GF ..no one but himself that's the way he wants it thats the way he'll get it.

Current Mood: drunk
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
8:52 pm
OH NO
i don't know what to do with my life. what do i do now? i have no plan and i don't want some one else to make a plan for me. i have to get out of here but i don't know what to do. i don't have any money i dont' have a car i don't know anyone. what the hell am i gonna do?

Current Mood: nervous
Friday, April 29th, 2005
12:52 pm
I love marc
well i might move with marc to santa cruz in a month or so ... i'm so happy i wanna live with marc and start a new life with him ... i'm so excited i can't even explain it.

Current Mood: excited
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